I’ll tell you what…In a surprising turn of events, our girl crush and our boy crush are planning a “quiet first date” together after someone told Michael Phelps that Carrie Underwood thinks he’s cute. The two reportedly started text-messaging, which led to Michael romancing Carrie by requesting that their first date not include dinner: “I’m not so sure you’d want to see me eat! It might not make a great first impression.”

Carrie’s friends are less than impressed by this development, insisting that she was “devastated when her relationship with Tony Romo broke” and doesn’t need another high-profile celebrity waltzing in and out of her life. Except this is Michael Phelps we’re talking about — give him a couple more months and he will no longer be high-profile. America has a short attention span.

I’ll tell you what…If you didn’t get to hate on Jessica Simpson this week with Jackass and the Mule, read the following story from USMAGAZINE:

Jessica Simpson was slammed by a critic for a “bizarre and often frustrating” performance in Ontario, Canada Wednesday.

“It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck — at some point, a train knows where it’s going,” John Law wrote in the Niagara Falls Review.

Law said the singer — who is making the transition from pop to country with a new album (out September 9) — is “still living in a reality show, convinced everyone is so fascinated with her personal life, they’d rather hear her talk than sing.”

See Jessica Simpson’s Us Weekly break up covers.

The concert was more like a “therapy session” for her, he wrote, because she “needs to explain in exhausting detail what every single song is about.”

Simpson, 28, dedicated a song called “You’re My Sunday” to beau Tony Romo — and she even discussed flatulence.

“I do pass gas a lot,” she told the crowd. “I guarantee it smells like roses.”

Howler says:  classy.

Law concluded that “Simpson can’t deliver a concert worthy of her new record.

“It’s hard to take her [seriously] when she declares how much she loves “Destiny” Springfield, and then performs a version of “Son of a Preacher Man” so devoid of soul, Dusty would disown it,” he wrote.

I’ll tell you what…Chrissie Hynde & Co. are preparing to release a country record, Break Up the Concrete, on Oct. 7. Though reports said the group was experimenting with Southern sounds, it didn’t really hit home until they became featured on CMT.com. Go there now, and you can hear an exclusive track from the album, Love’s a Mystery.

Each week, the band is releasing one MP3 from the record on a different website. Right now you can hear two more songs on their MySpace page; Boots of Chinese Plastic is the most obvious example of the band’s boot-scootin’ transition. To find out where you can grab the weekly downloads, head to ThePretenders.com.

This week LAist posted a review of a recent Pretenders performance: “Introducing the brand-new Rosalee over a chorus of shouted requests, (Hynde) says, ‘Just think, in 25 more years, this will be a classic, and you’ll be yelling for this instead of Brass In F—in’ Pocket!’”

We shall see. 

I’ll tell you what…It’s Coming! Faith Hill’s new Holiday Album (Due Out Sept. 30th)!  And with it, her new song “A Baby Changes Everything.”

Get ready for it…It combines all the great elements needed for the most incredible performance the stage has ever seen: slow build to an epic climax, a narrative about a teenager who suddenly finds herself pregnant, and the fact that a baby changes everything. And by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. A huge choir joins in at the peak of the song, when you suddenly realize this song isn’t just about teenage pregnancy, it’s about the biggest celebrity baby of all time: Jesus.

Listen to the song here:

 http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20222030,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

I’ll tell you what…When this Saskatoon, Canada weatherman invited viewers to come out and meet him while he did a live report at a fair, I bet he didn’t expect to have a true stalkery fan. Because he’s a weatherman. I love when he stands in the background and stares:

I’ll tell you what…Somebody was able to isolate the feed from Britney Spears’ microphone during a live concert. I’m not sure how they managed to do that, if this is real at all, or how fair it is to judge a the voice of a performer who is dancing around the stage like a maniac…BUT this is definitely pretty mesmerizing. Listen to the entire thing.  The highlights are her slowed-down version of “Baby One More Time” and at the end, offstage, when she says she was retarded. (Funny Or Die)

I’ll tell youwhat….Jewel and Ty Murray eloped to the Bahamas and exchanged vows in a private ceremony Thursday night.

“She wore a traditional wedding gown, while Ty wore his favorite blue jeans, white shirt and cowboy hat,” says Jewel’s rep. “The couple is very happy and look forward to enjoying their honeymoon.”

The pair, who never announced an engagement, have been together for ten years and share a 2,200-acre ranch in Stephenville, Texas. Murray, 38, who hosted Ty Murray’s Celebrity Bull-Riding Challenge on CMT last year, currently stars in the video for his wife’s new country single, “I Do.”

Just last year, she told PEOPLE that she and Murray were in no rush to wed.

“We don’t know if there’s a point – we’ve lapped our friends who’ve gotten married and divorced,” she explained. “We probably would if we had kids – we’re just not sure we want them yet. But we’ve had something really special already.”

I’ll tell you what…it’s gonna be the speech heard ’round the world.  Witness it in person by clicking here…

http://my.barackobama.com/page/s/invesco